God bless glitter glue and pugi-corns!

My travels through this land called 'The Internet' bring me to so many new discoveries, people, and adventures that I would probably never have the honor of experiencing had I never came here and the next one is never any less exciting than the last. God bless that Al Gore for inventing this place! I'm currently unwinding from my latest little adventure of semi-epic proportions that was so inspiring it has me entering a new post in this dead blog. -- I was going to blather on about why I haven't posted in here for a while but decided not to put any reader graciously reading this to sleep. Instead I'm going to just move on with the story of Tammi Rae Jenson (the artist who painted that lovely piece you see at the head of this post) as it is much more exciting than any of the bullshit excuses I was going to lie to you about. --

It all started Friday afternoon while "working" in the office. If you work in an office, with internet, you know what I was really doing and no, there was no porn (that day). Instead I was browsing one of my favorite new websites, Regretsy. The "whimsical fuckery" on that site just brightens up my day and this day was no exception... in fact, this day was practically the pinnacle of my travels through interweb world! (I may be a little drunk in my exaggerations. As I noted above, I'm still unwinding from this.)

Friday morning a new Regretsy post went up titled Heidi Ho. It was a listing of a very strange, folksy but juvenile and kind of hoaky looking painting that had so much going on it was hard to formulate exactly what I thought of it at first glance. It featured a very ugly version of some celebrity named Heidi Montag burning in hell as simpleton words of warning to love Jesus and stay out of hell floated starkly above the doomed heathen (who I had never heard of before this painting, btw). The artist's description of the painting was poorly written and very obviously an extreme conservative view (to say the least) about how America should act and how we definitely don't want to be a "ho ho like that Heidi Montag!". But despite the extremist nature of this strange religious bird, I too typically dislike flashy, "veign", celebrity-of-the-month types so I was kinda diggin' this shit. But really, here's the real reason I was falling in love with it, the very best part of this piece, the part that immediately grabbed my silly-hearted attention was the massive amount of sparkly, dark-red glitter used to paint the joyously hellish flames that engulfed this uglified celebrity... correction... celbrity for her unforgivable sins of being a "trust fund baby"!

Me being the true Regretsy fan that I am was immediately intrigued by this artist and went directly to her Etsy shop. Her profile was .... I can't even describe it, I'm just going to copy and paste it here

My name is Tammi Rae Jenson and I am a South Texas Artist with a Highschool Diploma who works at Chilli's restraunts and paints. I currently Live with my aunt who has some health problems and needs help sometimes, I also have type 2 diabetes and would like to remind all of ya'll out there to take care of ya'lls selves! I am a strong Christian woman who practices her relgion over at Second Baptist Woodway here in Houston! Come on by for some great Christian Fellowship and a wonderful service. Churches provide a great way of meeting people who are strong in faith, even though some sadly use it as a country club. I hope that my ebay auctions will provide you with art work that while it might have scarey content (hell, hell cats, worms, Satan) will serve as a reminder that Christ Rules, and God reigns suppream! Try not to sin and be bad! because Jesus is watching all ya'll! If you have any questions about God, my Paintings, or Anything else please just sent me a question down at the bottom of this here ebay auction!

I certainly noticed all the grammar and spelling errors, but more than that, I couldn't help but notice that she was referring to it as an 'Ebay' listing when it was on Etsy. Brilliant!

The "whimsical fuckery" done to poke fun of this whacked-out religious zealot over at regretsy was a 'View it in a Room' piece that I didn't really get at first, because I don't even know who this ho ho, Heidi even is. So, I decided to move on to the comments section and see what fuckery was going on there. The very first thing I noticed about the comments section is that it was already up to #200 and it hadn't even been up for more than 3 or 4 hours. As usual, most of the comments were snarked-up and mildly entertaining, just enough to keep me from working too hard but not enough to make me follow along and keep reading past the 50th or so comment. Also as usual were the repetitive posts of forced snark that embarrasses me to read, so I tabbed out and decided to actually try and get some work done.

Later that evening, after doing my part to contribute to the destruction of Western Civilization, I decided to go back to the Heidi Ho post and make my very own comment. It would be my first post ever on Regretsy and I had come up with a brilliant one that I KNEW would be perfect for my debut! "God bless glitter!" is what it was going to say and I was certain no one else had said anything like that... I was sure to get 50 or more thumbs up=! I feverishly logged in to the site so I could post my glittery brilliance, but something strange happened on my scroll down the comments tree that side-tracked me (even more than glitter, go figure) and completely erased my memory of wanting to make my glitter comment and it was pretty fucking cool what I saw in that regretsy comments thread that day!

I don't know what it is about the Regretsians. They have A LOT of time on their hands (bless their whimsically fucked hearts) and were so intrigued by TammiRae's outrageous persona that to say they began to dissect her is a gross understatement. They tracked down and poured over every blog entry she made, every ebay and etsy listing of her artwork she ever posted, and uncovered her Flickr page and also found some videos that I can't seem to figure out how to post up here, right now. Well, I guess I'll end this entry at this for now and just call it PART 1.

So, come on back for part 2, which I'm thinking of calling The Age of the Hellcats! It promises to flip the lid on whatever type of art you think is going on with Tammi Rae Jenson. Of course, if you were a super-sleuth of Regretsian-like intellect you would already be figuring this mystery out. If you're like me and are easily distracted by glitter and newly found mythical creatures, like hell-cats and pugi-corns, you need someone else, someone with more time, snark, and regretsian-sleuth to dig through the surface of something simple and discover the complexities of the innards.

One last thing before I close out part one, I'd like to share this delightful blog entry of Tammi Rae's from a little over a year ago when her Pugi-Corn painting sold on E-bay. The thought of her running out to the craft store to get more glitter glue had me smiling all day after I read this...

Sunday, October 26, 2008
Joy of Pug-icorns
man..i just got in from a long shift at chillis and donig some invantory.

Praise God! someone bid on my ebay acutions!

great timeing too, i need mor glitter glue!

I"m so excited!
Praise God!
And Jonathan said unto David, O LORD God of Israel, when I have sounded my father about to morrow any time, or the third day, and, behold, if there be good toward David, and I then send not unto thee, and shew it thee
1 Samuel 20:12