Recent events in the media have uncovered something I've noticed for a long time but never really did much about; boys exhibiting feminine characteristics are demonized or at least greatly frowned upon in our society and culture. Why is that? Easily enough to figure out, it's clearly misogyny. It's bad to be feminine but perfectly fine to be masculine, even mandatory if you're a male. This really pisses me off not only as a feminist but as a mother of three boys.
I, In fact, only have boys. I would be lying to you if I said I never wanted a girl. I did and still do. How do you think I ended up with three boys?! But, this baby-making factory is most likely shut down for good, unless I win the lottery and it would have to be at least $20 million take-home, lump sum. I am stretched to the limit with the kids I have now and quite frankly, I'm quite tired of taking care of kids, so I'd have to be a filthy rich millionaire with 4 different nannies and endless amounts of valium to entice me to have another kid at this point in my life. But I think the desire to have a daughter will probably never go away for me. Oh well, no biggy.
I do, however, ponder over my desire for a daughter quite heavily sometimes and have recently concluded that it's just a selfish need to live beyond my natural years, vicariously through a daughter, an essential clone of me. Which I think is perfectly fine! I don't see the problem with anyone being like this about their kids, I just don't want to harbor regrets later in life. I think I'll be fine. The relationships between each of my boys and I are still very special, despite their persistent need to be boys. I forgive them because they are very sweet, and much to my delight, can sometimes be "girly". I get a lot of flack about letting the boys be "too girly" from some family and friends; the length of my toddler's hair, for instance and my 7 year old's verbalizing of his desires to some day "have a baby" are two perfect examples of the things I've gotten "flack" for.
In the past I let the flack just slide off my back and even believed it a little bit. Oh, I guess I should've cut the baby's hair and stopped putting it in pig-tails and I guess it was due time to have that talk with the middle child and remind him that men have nothing to do with child-rearing, but really, I just never got around to it. Sorry. Then, some current events happened and I found myself pondering again.
This past Halloween a story about a mom whose son wanted to dress like his hero, Daphne, from the Scooby-Doo series circulated and the reaction she received was disturbing to me. Then a few weeks ago the story about the J. Crew Ad showing a boy enjoying painting his toenails pink with his mom was the final straw. Well, actually the reaction to it was the final straw.
“This is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity,” psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow wrote in a FoxNews.com Health column about the ad.
Media Research Center’s Erin Brown agreed, calling the ad “blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children.”
“Not only is Beckett likely to change his favorite color as early as tomorrow, Jenna’s indulgence (or encouragement) could make life hard for the boy in the future,” Brown wrote in an opinion piece Friday. “J.CREW, known for its tasteful and modest clothing, apparently does not mind exploiting Beckett behind the facade of liberal, transgendered identity politics.”
Oh really?! First of all, so what if some boys like to partake in traditionally "girly" indulgences?! This does not have to mean anything to anyone outside of the boy who indulges. "Girly" does not equate to "bad", not even in boys. And secondly, so what if this is celebrating transgendered children?! Ya know, they do exist and who the f0ck is anyone to tell others they're not allowed to celebrate them?! Now, I do not think my children are transgendered, but if they were I think it would be awesome to have them celebrated. My kids don't fit into traditional categories when it comes to American society's ideology of gender identity and you know what? I couldn't be more proud of that! They also make me giddy with their ability to be what I like to call "gender blind".
The oldest boy, as he approaches manhood in his 16th year of existence, is coming into an age of hormonally dictated traditional masculinity, but that has not always been the case. He for many years had longer, shoulder-length (kind of emo) hair that he would straighten and style everyday before school. For christmas one year he requested some high-dollar, fancy hair straightener, the Revlon 5000 or some crap. I got it for him. I should say, less than a year later he shaved his head and now I use the straightener. I love it. I'm glad he recommended it. ;) He is also a self-proclaimed feminist, an actor, a poet, and downright sweet little mamby pamby!
My middle child, as I mentioned earlier, has desires to be a parent, specifically the proud owner of his own baby he can carry around in his belly and when he's ready, can birth it, and even nurse it. Yes, I mean "nurse" it as in breastfeed it. When I had his baby brother a couple of years ago I would breastfeed in front of him and he would mimic me by lifting up his shirt and mock-breastfeeding his baby seahorse doll. (What a cute coincidence it was a seahorse, eh?) And now, his baby brother is a budding toddler and is such a pretty little boy-toddler, I tell you what! He's my first child that looks just like me. My two older boys have all of their dad's features, which is mainly dark hair and dark eyes. Italian. This youngest boy o' mine has my lighter brunette hair color and the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen, surpassing even my own (yes I'm that conceited about my eyes, especially now that I see them on my offspring). Needless to say, I just love playing with the baby's long hair, putting it in pig-tails, pony-tails, barrettes... and the extremely cool thing is, my husband, this child's father, is totally on my side and thinks it's adorable, too! Oh. my. god. can we get any more progressive here?! It just does my heart right good and I guess that's why I've decided to blog about it.
My convictions to raise effeminate boys are solidified, now that other stories of discrimination are being debated. I now see what I have to do. For not just women's rights but also for the rights of these boys who grow up to be men. Also, I fight this fight for the LGBT community for the continued stigma these aspersions cast on them. Before these latest stories linked above were brought to light, I would question whether or not it was healthy for me to encourage effeminate characteristics in my sons. Now that I see just how much it pisses off certain types of "conservatives" and "religious right" bullshitters, gay-bashers and woman-haters, I am firmer and more staunch in my girlification efforts! In this gender warfare, as a feminist, I now see my mission. I have 3 (4 if you count my husband, which I do) subjects I can mold into the perfect antithesis to those who oppose feminism and the feminizing of men. The types who work diligently to strip not just women but the LGBT community of their rights and even dignities will be downright disgusted by me and my troop of pretty boys and I honestly, with my whole heart could not be happier! It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to paint pink the toenails of this nation's boys!
